Mixtape: Period playlist

Adam: I understand what's going on. You're all on the same cycle. This is very exciting. Your uterine walls will be shedding for the next three to five days. 

Shira: Nice memorization. Did you Google that? 

Adam: I may have. Because you're all women. And I think that's a beautiful thing. Oh... (takes out a CD and gives to Emma) I also made you this. To help soothe your womb.

When TOM comes over, all I want to do is crawl into bed, and eat cookies and cheesecake like a baby dinosaur, and spend the next three to four days in a foetal position. But why not a different approach besides Panadol Osteo and hot water bottles? 
In No Strings Attached, Ashton Kutcher's endearing character Adam, makes miserable and menstruating Emma and her flatmates a period mix with homemade soup and cupcakes. What a creepy cute idea! 
But nobody's made me a period mix to make me feel better, so hey, I made my own! Let the music heal the pain, with Ryan Gosling's voice crooning in the first track! (And I can't decide whether to laugh or cry to Leona Lewis' "I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love...")


001 MY BODY'S A ZOMBIE FOR YOU :: Dead Man's Bones
002 BLEED IT OUT :: Linkin park
003 ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS :: fun.
004 RIVER FLOWS IN YOU :: Yiruma
005 HUG :: TVXQ
006 DROPLETS :: Colbie Caillat, Jason Reeves
007 EMOTION :: Destiny's Child
008 SO SICK :: Neyo
009 I'VE GOT THE WORLD ON A STRING :: Michael Buble
010 JUST A GIRL :: No Doubt
011 BLEEDING LOVE :: Leona Lewis
012 SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY :: U2
013 THE TIDE IS HIGH :: Blondie
014 MISERY :: Maroon 5
015 RED RED ROSE :: The Weepies
016 EVERYBODY HURTS :: REM
017 RED RED WINE :: Bob Marley
018 WATERFALLS :: TLC
019 SLEEP ALL DAY :: Jason Mraz
020 BLOOD :: My Chemical Romance
021 HURT SO BAD :: Alicia Keyes
022 SAME BLOOD :: The Academy is...
023 DROPS OF JUPITER :: Train
024 BLOOD BANK :: Bon Iver
025 LOOK BUT YOU CAN'T TOUCH :: Poison

Complicated post for complicated feelings

Oh my goodness, I have so many feelings. Too many and complex to even identify. And they keep coming in like waves. I sing. I sulk. I awe. I panic. I happy sigh. I sad sigh. I laugh (at your Facebook photos. And your friends' photos. And their wedding photos. Only because I'm high on energy drinks around 2 in the afternoon, and I don't realise what a meanie-poo-face I'm being). I've been really juvenile and selfish as of late.

This post probably won't even make any common sense to you. I just feel overwhelmed with dread and weariness about life deadlines, school deadlines, email replies, personal commitments, important decisions to be made, courageous conversations to be had, judgements to brush off, lecturers to prove wrong, kilo's to lose, clothes to model, presentations to present, macbook to fix, stereotypes to break, a doctor's appointment, plus eight million other things. It’s pretty amazing how incapacitated you can get. What are you supposed to do? But what ends up happening in times like these is ironically, nothing. Like, when you’re overwhelmed and your attention is taxed, you try and run in 17 directions at once, and as is to be expected, don’t move far in any of them. So you sit and throw a tantrum, and then get distracted by Ryan Gosling's flawlessness or a sudden urge to commute to the airpot and eat eggs benedict, buy a milk steamer, and get a new piercing, only to take it out after a couple of months because "it's gets in my way". And probably get a new complicated hairstyle for complicated feelings.

It's like one moment I'm having an anxiety attack, (do you remember in Sex and the City season 4, they had to rip apart Carrie's wedding dress because she was having a panic attack and she was hyperventilating and her body suddenly erupted in rashes? It was just like that. But in a public toilet and not a wedding dress) and the next moment my eyes light up about my favourite things, and seeing The Sound of Music and Captain Von Trapp in the holidays. I love that film more than raindrops on roses, (but not more than whiskers on kittens)! Often, I heart-breakingly grieve for my loss of innocence and child-like wonder (I don't know if this is normal or it's the Peter Pan complex), then I'm eerily at peace. Followed by eye-of-the-tiger-confidence, head-butting into what I must do in life. Hence, in my moment of feeling something between glee and anticipation, I've compiled a list of books/films I have to see/read to run away from reality to read during my 3 week winter break with Bearemy.

George's Marvellous medicine, Roald Dahl
James and the Giant peach, Roald Dahl
The Perks of being a wallflower, Stephan Chbosky
The Magicians, Lev Grossman
The Stepford wives, Ira Levin
The Turn of the Screw, Henry James
Secret Window, 2004
Big Fish, 2003
Lost in translation, 2003
Up in the air, 2009
Spirited away, 2001
Zodiac, 2007
Annie Hall, 1977
Big, 1988
The English Patient, 1996
The Phantom of the Opera, 19-I-don't-know-which-Broadway-version
The Sound of Music, 1965

Dear...

Dear celebrity crush,
Please get on Facebook more often. It's hard to stalk someone who doesn't regularly update...


Dear leg hair and arm pit hair,
Please grow as slowly as my head hair. I'm pretty sure I waxed/shave less than a week ago.


Dear person comparing period cramps with diarrhoea cramps,
You're saying it can't be that bad? No uterus? No opinion!!!


Dear People magazine,
You obviously got it all wrong! 2011 was clearly the year of Ryan Gosling! Bradley Cooper is so 2010 and a bore.


Dear Ryan Gosling, 
I can only assume you turned down People's "Sexiest man alive" title and let Bradley Cooper have the honour. That was so noble of you. I know you have better things to do. You have feminist wisdom to spout, an awesome dog to walk, epic movies to make, art fights to stop, tumblrs and blogs to inspire. Props to you Ryan!


Dear boy that I tutor,
Please don't come into my personal space, the invisible bubble that is psychologically mine.

Dear friends who’ve borrowed books from me and haven’t yet returned them,

Just a friendly reminder to return them when you’ve read them. I’m waiting on these: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of secrets, Empire of the Sun,  Pride and Prejudice, Marley and me, Cat and mouse, The Shack, and Perfume: Story of a murderer. Merci!

Dear Lulu,

Thank you for getting fur all over my clothes. Because people need to know I belong to you. Thank you for lying on my covers when I have to make the bed. Because I probs don’t need to anyway. Thank you for watching Ryan-a-thon with me. You’re right. He is quite something, isn’t he? I just wish you were able to open the door for me when I sneak in at 3am in the morning.

Finding Mr. Funny

I'm so attracted to men who can get me into stitches. If you can make me LOL, you have my full attention. And, if you actually, like my laugh (I have an ugly laugh. If my laugh was a person, it'll be a witch with a wart on her crooked nose), and think it's cute, I will marry you! I really cannot say it enough - wit is so attractive, because it requires intelligence and humour, and a little creativity. According to Psychology Today, "people who joke with their spouses in everyday situations tend to be happier in marriage than couples who don't, and marriages tend to last longer." But personally, not just any gag will do. I hate the insulting, narrow-minded, or narcissistic humour. Brattiness and snobbery is never impressive.


Unfortunately, finding Mr. Funny is extremely difficult. I mean, what's up with that, boys? This world needs a million Ryan Goslings to go around. Plus, a million James McAvoys, a million Jon Heders, a million Ryan Higas, a million Hugh Lauries, a million Jim Careys and a million Steve Carells. 

(I'm so so so sorry! I really tried not to make this post about Gorgeous Gosling, and I was doing so well! But I just couldn't help it! He's just one of those people who are funny without trying to be funny! And he always has this mischievous smirk in his eyes. I'm sorry!)

Happy 31st Birthday, Ryan.

By your next birthday, I'm going to move to Studio City (right in your hood!), and frequent Disneyland, and Maison 140, where your band plays. Maybe I'll get a waitressing job at your favourite Moroccan restaurant. One way or another, you'll show up, because you're Ryan-omnipresent-Gosling. I will adopt a irresistible-oh-so-impossible-to-resist puppy and take a hike. Hopefully I'll bump into you and my cute, clever puppy will do the leash tangle with your dog, George (like in 101 Dalmatians). If Eva is with you, I'll just "accidentally" push her off the mountain. I kid, I kid! I'm not a horrible person, Ryan.
Thank you for existing! Happy belated birthday.

Ryan-a-thon

"You know how sometimes department stores have these things where, if you win, you get 10 minutes and go in and take anything you want from the store? That's basically what I'm doing. I'm running in and just trying to grab as many characters as possible before they pull the plug on me." - Ryan Gosling

I've been talking about a "RyGos movie marathon" since the beginning of the year, but hadn't got around to it, due to his amazing extensive filmography. But! I am finally well into it, one film after another. I kicked started off with Crazy, Stupid, Love then Drive in the cinemas, followed by the rest in the comfort of my bed. (I am currently up to Blue Valentine. The "Ryan-athon" will end with Ryan, and George Clooney at the cinemas.) I tell ya, RyGos is one of the most talented young actors of our time.  He's tackled challenging roles racking up credibility as a serious young actor in indie features. He sort of reminds me of Edward Norton (I'm a huge fan of), because he's so good at playing intense, conflicted young man in a natural, effortless style. Participate with me in the Ryan-athon. He won't disappoint!


Crazy, stupid, love (2011)



Drive (2011)



The Believer (2001)



Half Nelson (2006)



Lars and the Real girl (2007)



Murder by Numbers (2002)



The Notebook (2004)



Blue Valentine (2010)



Remember the Titans (2000)



Stay (2005)



Fracture (2007)



The slaughter rule (2002)

All good things (2010)

The United States of Leland (2002)



The Ides of March (2011)

Dear...

Dear high school girls who yelled "hipster" at me,
I may study design, buy imported fashion magazines, wear lipstick, get drugged on coffee and possess apple products, but I don't really identify with the hipster lifestyle, alright? The term is so broad I just happened to make the cut!


Dear Ryan Gosling,
How did you suddenly gain man-god status? You're everywhere now (in the virtual world). You've become Ryan-omnipresent-Gosling. Anywho, so I watched Drive today. I loved the movie, though I was initially horrified at the violence. You just didn't seem to be the type of guy to violently lash out and stamp on people's heads. And that bathroom scene where you're face is covered in blood, and you just stood there, in character, slowly backing out? I just died.

 

Dear all bloggers blogging about bumping into Ryan Gosling in the street, riding the subway with Ryan Gosling,  petting Ryan Gosling's dog, shaking Ryan Gosling's hand,  
I am extremely envious! (I don't even think the word 'envious' is strong enough!) When I read about your stories, I vicariously imagine myself as you, and squeal and squirm, and squeal and squirm again. Squirming to get outta here and move to NEW YORK CITY, BABY!


Dear Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire,
How do I meet/bump into you? Where do you hang out when not on set?


Dear Steve Jobs,
Nobody mourns you loss more than coffee lovers. Without MacBooks, cafes would be empty and have to close down! There wouldn't be a cafe every 100m full of thick-framed, tattoo-ed, skinny jean wearing 20's-30's lounging for hours, toting their Apple products. More cafes to choose from! The coffee world salutes you!


Dear future husband,
I was wondering if you'd leave the naming of our kids up to moi? Merci.


Dear God,
I need you, I need you more. More today.

20 Confessions

1. I can never understand people who don't see the point in travelling. The common reason is that traveling is a waste of time and money. I’ve heard some are scared to travel too far away. I can’t help but feel sorry particularly for those who perceive the experience of seeing a new place as a negative one. Telling them stories about cool new encounters results with an unexpected ‘Why would you wanna go there!?’ It makes me sad. 
2. I love in-flight turbulence! Just thinking about it is getting me excited. I actually feel cheated if I don't get at least a little turbulence on my flight! I've been on a couple of flights with severe turbulence, and one with a nice 4,000 ft drop with every unbuckled body flying out of their seats. I might've been the only passenger grinning from ear to ear.
3. Every time I exit a store with a security guard or that thing that detects stolen things in your bag, I am convinced I have stolen something.
4. I've never checked a voicemail my entire life. It's a dead art.
5. Before or after watching a movie, I always check its freshness on tomato-meter, and if it's very far from what I expected, I get disturbed. Makes me think, maybe I didn't watch it with the right mindset, or my reaction is incorrect, or I misunderstood the plot.
6. Do you ever wonder where certain things originated, or how they came to be? No? Well, I do ALL THE TIME and I can’t just sit back and pretend that the thought never crossed my mind. So what do I do? I turn to my trusty old Google. Or I ask the people around me. I'm never afraid to say "I don't know what that is. Can you tell me?"
7. I used to eat kleenex tissues. Unbleached, unscented. It was a symptom of nutrient deficiency. A condition called Pica, common among pregnant women.
8. When I tell people that I've never smoked a cigarette before, it's usually met with shock. I didn't crumble under peer pressure and said no to something that everyone else has said yes to. So I have bragging rights.
9. I have inside jokes with myself. In my head.
10. I won't pass up a chance for a good discussion on bodily functions. From gas to boogers.
11. Whenever I am watching TV alone, I will start to pick at my face, just to create new problems on my face when there is none. So never leave me alone watching TV. It can lead to craters in my face.
12. I am never able to realise my stories are lame until I am far past the point of no return. Sad.
13. I still talk to and sleep with my teddy-bear, Bearemy every night. This could continue into my married life.
14. I dreamed about being the first woman F1 driver. 
15. I like chewing on hair. Try it, it's crunchy!
16. When somebody talks about food or Harry Potter or a film I recently watched or maybe Ryan Gosling, or mention anything that I like, I will get overly excited and probably bug you about it the entire night.
17. I love jumping on beds. Jumped on my brothers bed until the spring poked through the mattress. Jumped on my bed until the leg broke. Oops.
18. I had a major crush on Aaron Carter during junior years at high school. I've memorised the lyrics to his whole album. It's A to the A to the R O N. I'm all grown up now, run and tell your friends. Listen up everybody, have you seen Aaron's Party? Part two I'm older now, come and show me body. Girl, watcha gonna do, come and talk. To me in the  backseat, baby backstreet... Okay I'll shut up now.
19. I want to marry someone who will look at me and daily think "you're too good to be true". I want to be his unicorn!
20. I make incessant lists to make myself feel productive or creative, and I’m listening to Weezer while doing it.

Holiday List

Watch "My so-called life". The show of my adolescence.


French classes. J'adore apprendre!


Draw attractive people in nice clothes.


Sew.


Play guitar.


Ryan Gosling marathon.


Jet boat rides.


Get a second job.


Make milkshakes.


Eat out at new restaurants.


Date people. 


Jump more on beds. Or jump on more beds.


Read lots of books. Heck, I might not come out of to see the light for a whole month.


Rollerblade. If I could get my hands on a pair.


Bake up a storm, until my brother's whole apartment smells of cake the next few days!


Shuffle dance in my bedroom with music on max.


Bleach hair blonde.


Lay off energy drinks. Detox.


Doctor's check up. My health has probably deteriorated from lack of sleep and stress.


Dentist's check up. My teeth has probably deteriorated from all the diet coke, coffee, energy drinks and sugar.


Save up.


Grow up.

Monthly Recap: September '11

Laundry list of things memorable about the month:

Anxiety.

Insomnia.

Realizing that time is short for grandpa.

"Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will find it." Luke 17:33 - this finally makes sense to me now.

Scary encounters with a lecturer that resembles Mrs Doubtfire x Cruella DeVille.

Mum accidentally throws away my 10 weeks worth of drawings. I don't know what to do but cry.

I have finally mastered the 'smokey eye' make up. Now all I need is a special occasion.

Picnic near the water, with cakes and carrots.

Grandma's advice - "All men are sex maniacs".

My mad baking phase.

2 weeks of vegan diet.

Painful time of looking into myself and my wicked heart.

Disney marathon.

Being told by some 17-year-old boys that I'm "so naive," which is something that I kind of knew, but I sell can't believe I had to hear it from them.

Farewell to 'the good-looking' life group, and hello to the new.

My queen-sized bed has finally broken after I jumped on it too much. I now sleep on a mattress until I get a new bed. Single-sized.

It's almost summer. I'm dreading summer. Everything is too hot, time moves too fast, you spend every waking moment feeling physically uncomfortable, your skin is always unattractively flushed, and you get sun rash.

Failure after failure. But you know what? I'm not going to be scared of failing anymore.

29th was International Coffee Day. I celebrated by drinking coffee. Actually, I've been celebrating this beverage since my very first cup!

Music stuck on repeat:

Two weeks - Grizzly Bear

Nothing - The Script

She's electric - Oasis

Uncharted - Sara Bareilles

My body's a zombie for you - Dead man's bones

In the room where you sleep - Dead man's bones

How He loves us - Kim Walker

Currently obsessed with:

Textile print designs.

Hugh Laurie.

Dead man's bones.

White summer dresses.

G-dragon. Still undecided about his new ink.

Finding the 'right' pair of wooden flatworms.

Ryan Gosling. (Surprise, surprise.) What can't he do? He acts, he's an accomplished jazz guitarist, a pianist, he's in a band, solves rubiks' cubes, and breaks up street fights in his spare time.

www.ryanfuckingogsling.tumblr.com

Books read(ing):

April fool's day - Bryce Courtaney

3 things I am thankful for this month:

His grace that runs at me, and embraces me.

Music that takes me on journeys.

Puppies and kittens.

Steve Carell and Mr Hottie McHotterson

Fictional Characters I'd like to date

Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) - Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
That adorable fohawk and his chilled-out perspective of life is so attractive.

Mr. Palmer (Hugh Laurie) - Sense and Sensibility, 1995 movie version.
Mr. Palmer is the best part of the movie.

Oliver Wood (Sean Biggerstaff) - Harry Potter
The captain of the Griffindor quidditch team.

Noah Calhoun (Ryan Gosling) - The Notebook

                               

Seth Cohen (Adam Brody) - The O.C.
I can imagine it already! On our first date, I'll surprise him at the Baitshop during his shift. He'll bail work, and we'll play wii at the pool house, and I would laugh at all his jokes.

Zack Morris (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) - Saved by the Bell

Mark Darcy (Colin Firth) - Helen Fielding's Bridget Jones' Diary

Finn Hudson (Cory Monteith) - Glee
I would take multiple slushees to the face for him.

Dokko Jin (Cha Seung-won) - The Greatest Love

So, as a 22-year-old fashion student, after a long while of coffee shops, walks in the parks, public commute, and attending college, you'd think I would've found a boyfriend. Nope. I come home to my queen-sized bed adorned with teddy bears, magazines, a Bible and a novel (at the moment, reading Bryce Courtaney), piled next to my mac-book.

Dear...

Dear Ryan Gosling,

You have to stop. Stop being so Ryan Gosling. Stop making all the girls go giggly! In all your films,  you have this look like that woman is the most important thing in the universe. You only have nice things to say about ex-girlfriends Sandra Bullock and Rachel McAdams. You also say the best things ever about your female co-stars. Stop being so you, Ryan Gosling. You are a life-ruiner! 

What a hero! Swoon!

Dear haughty, ungrateful, rude, arrogant, selfish, inconsiderate, disrespectful, insolent twat, 
Sometimes I think, "Why even bother ?" just want to leave you and your life filled with lonely, friendless birthdays. But you know what? I believe unkind people need kindness the most. So I will continue to remember you birthdays.


Dear music man,
Thank you. Normally I'd think you were annoying, but it was a long day, and hearing Hawk Nelson's "Live life loud" at a volume that made me worry about your hearing rejuvenated me on my commute home.


Dear Justin Timberlake,
I liked you better when you made music.


Dear God,
You are so undeniably real and you're just CRAZY.


Dear self,
Sometimes it’s important to have faith in yourself and know that you’re doing the best you can and that’s the best anyone will ever do. You’re doing so much better than you even realize. So live it up and enjoy it!


Dear future husband,
I’m sorry about a lot of things you will have to deal with, the least of which include my singing out of tune and sticking anything I can find into my ears. I hope there are a few things that balance it all out. I will make you lemon meringue pie, I promise! And I will appreciate you not divorcing me for not being able to let go of Bearemy (my teddy-bear of a son) and Ryan Gosling.