Confessions: the late 2012 vers.

1. When you believe that there's no such thing as coincidences... can't help but realise God really is good.

2. The sound of sharp scissors cutting fabric turns me on.

3. I finally get dubstep. Why did my Dre beats ear plugs have to break?!

4. Snaggle fangs/tooth and asymmetrical eyes are very attractive on a boy. Gives him character, and character is sexy.

5. I entered a competition to go on a date with Shinee.

6. Just in case I win, I'm teaching myself to beatbox, to impress them.

7. I finally understand why Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada is so cold. Heck, I might be even starting to understand Anna Wintour. I'm afraid I'm becoming aloof too. #defencemechanism

8. I've been asked out by lesbians. Truly sadly, that's one way I lose friends these days... when they ask me out.

9. When my model bailed on me and I had to desperately seek someone from my personal circle, I was slightly disappointed by the lack of tall males I know.

10. I'm bipolar. These posts should've given it away.

11. I cried with a bunch of freshmen (first year design students) in the bathroom while trying to comfort them about "not being able to see their friends for 6 months", "my friends are offended when I don't have the time". I told them it gets worse. By third year, you're a myth! I cried out of pity (for them) and my hurt because people/friends will never understand the demands. It's just the norm that people fall off the face of the earth when they get a gf/bf, or when they do a design/architecture/fashion degree.

12. I want a husband who understands.

13. My verbal skills have become subpar to ESL students because of how less talkative and expressive I've become.

14. Some people explode, I implode. 

15. I do a "head, shoulders, knees, toes - swag check" before I walk out of the house.

16. I want to run away and live with Beast. I'll have a private library in a castle, funny talking furniture, cabinetry and cutleries that'll make food for me all hours of the night while I read by the fireplace and snuggle up to the furry Beast. Plus, I've totally always related myself to Belle.

10 Confessions

It's been awhile since my last list of "confessions". Here's one for 2012:

1. Every once in a while, I actually consider ditching everything and travel the world-Eat, Pray, Love-style. But with my savings account, and a lack of funding, I held off.
2. These days I smell winter in the icy breeze, and am overwhelmed by nostalgia, which takes me back to the snowcopalypse months I went through in New York. I yearn it more so because it was an amazing journey where I matured, and God literally had me in His hands the whole time. So thankful to be reminded of His faithfulness, and how He takes you on great adventures.
3. I've only very recently prepared myself to accept that maybe everybody is only just believably special. Maybe "unicorns" don't exist but only in my rose-coloured world. (Unicorns = unbelievably, breathtakingly, fascinating, amazing people.)
4. I often take lengthy walks in the rain to "find myself", but end up crying, usually to melancholic Coldplay (The Scientist, Warning signs, In my place, Fix you, Trouble).
5. Time Machine (back up external drive by Mac) is my life-saver.
6. It has occurred to me that very few people have the ability to make me truly angry, so, if anything, it's a compliment to those people if I get angry at them. Shows that I care.
7. "The Notebook" is a classic, and will never get old on me.
8. I really want a new hairdo, or new piercing, or new something, only because it's new or because it's a change. I love change. I love new-ness.
9. I am grateful for realist people in my life who yank my hair to come down from the clouds. Thanks mama.
10. I was just thinking... if luxury labels brought out crew neck sweaters with their logo/name-written-in-block-letters emblazoned on the front, they would make an absolute killing. Everybody loves those 80's Chanel, Kenzo, YSL sweaters. They should re-release them!

Unless you love

I love e.e. cummings,
I love a cupcake run for breakfast,
I love movie marathons with my mum,
I love hugging people to make their day,
And I love Jesus.

My wiser and wider self musing on life

This is going to sound like the musings of an incredibly odd person, who is in bed, eating pistachio nuts and mozzarella cheese, while watching Cyrano de Bergerac (1990) but having to constantly rewind because I want to repeat funny French phrases (such an amusing film!), but...

Life is so very weird, yet fascinating. For example, I now both eat and enjoy the taste and scent of coriander. And I've gotten accustomed to celery. Only in juice for now. But who knows, soon I'll be dipping celery sticks in onion dip. But you get what I’m saying? Big news. Life is funny, it’s like, one minute you’re on Knick's reserve bench, and the next you sweep the world with Linsanity. (I actually love him! He's Lincredible!) You know? The funny thing about life is that things don’t seem to change day by day. You wake up and think, I have to do this same stuff again. But when you think really far back, there was a time when you weren’t doing that stuff. Somehow everything changed. 

A lot has changed for me within the past year. I've seemed to have grown, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and sideways. I even look different physically, in that my waistband has expanded, I have an extra chin, and I've almost given up on my hair. And my head constantly hurts. I think it’s because beneath my skin, is a layer of fat, And beneath my fat, is a fine layer of fear and stress.

I just want to know what’s going to happen. Where will I be next year? Actually, no, that’s too far ahead. Where will I be next month? God, can you spoiler alert my life? I can't spend tomorrow's money, celebrate tomorrow's achievement, or resolve tomorrow's riddles. But I have today. My wiser (and wider, LOL) self is telling me to stress less, trust more, and be grateful. Resolve to do the same the next day, and the next, and the next. Days become weeks, weeks become months, months become years. Building life, one good day at a time. Yes, that's what I'll do...

Happy 31st Birthday, Ryan.

By your next birthday, I'm going to move to Studio City (right in your hood!), and frequent Disneyland, and Maison 140, where your band plays. Maybe I'll get a waitressing job at your favourite Moroccan restaurant. One way or another, you'll show up, because you're Ryan-omnipresent-Gosling. I will adopt a irresistible-oh-so-impossible-to-resist puppy and take a hike. Hopefully I'll bump into you and my cute, clever puppy will do the leash tangle with your dog, George (like in 101 Dalmatians). If Eva is with you, I'll just "accidentally" push her off the mountain. I kid, I kid! I'm not a horrible person, Ryan.
Thank you for existing! Happy belated birthday.

Dear...

Dear girl quietly pooing in the next cubicle,
Go for it, poo your heart out. I promise I won't judge you. It's really weird. We all do it, and we all know we do it, yet we allow it to isolate us. As a human race, we must come together and banish our shame. One for all. All for pooooooo!


Dear Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore,
Come on guys, work it out! You two practically started the 'cougar trend'. If you split the whole trend will go bust, and guys will go back to dating people their own age. That's just going to tighten the girl supply. And I'm not getting any younger, alright!

Dear ready-for-summertime babes,

As I sweat my face off and looking like a gross red blotchy monster, you walk past me looking flawless in your short shorts and tank tops. Hmmph!


Dear Open-door women,
I think you're all such rare and precious gems. If I were a guy, I'd date you all, and would have a hard time picking which one to marry, because you're all so beautiful inside out! God is so good to put you in my life!


Dear quiet emo boy,
Where are you? Where have you been all semester?


Dear future husband,
I can't believe you want to hang out with me for life. Thank you for being the person out there that actually wants to talk to me every night, support my Harry Potter and Chronicles of Narnia re-reading habits, piggy-back me to the toilet when I ceebs to use my legs, and adore my cackling laugh.


Dear God,
You have won me over! Yet again.

Monthly Recap: September '11

Laundry list of things memorable about the month:

Anxiety.

Insomnia.

Realizing that time is short for grandpa.

"Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will find it." Luke 17:33 - this finally makes sense to me now.

Scary encounters with a lecturer that resembles Mrs Doubtfire x Cruella DeVille.

Mum accidentally throws away my 10 weeks worth of drawings. I don't know what to do but cry.

I have finally mastered the 'smokey eye' make up. Now all I need is a special occasion.

Picnic near the water, with cakes and carrots.

Grandma's advice - "All men are sex maniacs".

My mad baking phase.

2 weeks of vegan diet.

Painful time of looking into myself and my wicked heart.

Disney marathon.

Being told by some 17-year-old boys that I'm "so naive," which is something that I kind of knew, but I sell can't believe I had to hear it from them.

Farewell to 'the good-looking' life group, and hello to the new.

My queen-sized bed has finally broken after I jumped on it too much. I now sleep on a mattress until I get a new bed. Single-sized.

It's almost summer. I'm dreading summer. Everything is too hot, time moves too fast, you spend every waking moment feeling physically uncomfortable, your skin is always unattractively flushed, and you get sun rash.

Failure after failure. But you know what? I'm not going to be scared of failing anymore.

29th was International Coffee Day. I celebrated by drinking coffee. Actually, I've been celebrating this beverage since my very first cup!

Music stuck on repeat:

Two weeks - Grizzly Bear

Nothing - The Script

She's electric - Oasis

Uncharted - Sara Bareilles

My body's a zombie for you - Dead man's bones

In the room where you sleep - Dead man's bones

How He loves us - Kim Walker

Currently obsessed with:

Textile print designs.

Hugh Laurie.

Dead man's bones.

White summer dresses.

G-dragon. Still undecided about his new ink.

Finding the 'right' pair of wooden flatworms.

Ryan Gosling. (Surprise, surprise.) What can't he do? He acts, he's an accomplished jazz guitarist, a pianist, he's in a band, solves rubiks' cubes, and breaks up street fights in his spare time.

www.ryanfuckingogsling.tumblr.com

Books read(ing):

April fool's day - Bryce Courtaney

3 things I am thankful for this month:

His grace that runs at me, and embraces me.

Music that takes me on journeys.

Puppies and kittens.

Monthly Recap June'11

Laudry list of things memorable about the month:
Unrealistic deadlines.
Pulling of consecutive all-nighter.
Paying off sleep-debt.
Mummy's birthday. Yum cha lunch!
Farewells to 2 friends.
Long, deep and meaningful conversations in the car, all through the night 'til early morning.
A visit to the dentist. A first in 3 years!
A week without Facebook.
Grinding my own coffee beans at home.
Catch ups with beautiful and uplifting individuals.
Listening to 90's songs, feeling nostalgic for the teenybopper days, and falling all over in love with old school Six pence non the richer, Backstreet Boys, Mandy Moore, J.Lo, Jordan Knight, Red hot chilli peppers, Take that, got me in a phenomenal mood, and before I knew it, I was dancing in front of the fridge at 3am! 
The sucky-ness of not being able to take advantage of the end-of-financial-year sales.
Almost dying in a car crash.
United Conference.

Currently obsessed with:

Downton Abbey.

Ash blonde hair and deep berry lips.

Colour-blocking my outfits.

1970's.

Macarons.

Movie soundtracks.

Music stuck on repeat:

M79 - Vampire Weekend
To build a home - The Cinematic Orchestra
Between the lines - Sara Bareilles
Put your records on - Corinne Bailey Rae
For Good (Wicked) - Glee cast
Waiting here for you - Christy Nockels


Books read(ing):
Marie Antoinette: The Last Queen of France - Evelyn Lever
Mere Christianity - C.S. Lewis
The Book of Psalms

3 things I am thankful for this month:
True love that I cannot be separated with.
Podcasts.
Fellowship and community. (Is that 2 things? I cheated.)

Dear...

Dear self,
The temperature's dropping fast. Single girls should always carry their own jumpers around.


Dear Nigahiga,
My youtube boyfriend, I can't believe we are breathing the same city oxygen, but I didn't get to see you! So sad, oh so sad. "Mel-BORN (Melbourne)... Adel-lady (Adelaide)...." I think your attempt at the Aussie accent, was too cute. Less than three. <3.


Dear bro,
Sorry I always forget you are colour-blind, and I asked you to leave the green (pistachio) macaron for me. My heart aches a little inside every time I think of how, in the future, you won't be able to see the full spectrum of beautiful colours of my fashion collections.


Dear low self-esteem,
I'm glad we parted ways! When I realised how much I was worth, what was written on my price tag, it totally messed with my head. I'm happy with who I am.


Dear 4kg,
Oh hey, this is awkward. I didn't see you come in. I'm guessing you invited yourself onto my hips, huh. I just didn't see you coming, which I imagine was poor planning on my part.


Dear future husband,
Can you please hurry up? Everyone around me is hooking up and getting hitched!


Dear God,
I do want to fly higher. Show me the amazing view from up there! I want to keep seeing!

Monthly Recap: April '11

Currently obsessed with:
Ryan Higa. Any boy that can make me laugh like that, deserves my attention.
Macarons. Yes, the obsession continues. Tried new flavours this month; black sesame and peanut butter.
Skin already showing signs of fatigue and aging.
Trying to tick off the first and easiest thing on my bucket list, but ain't easy considering I have thinning hair.
My logo design.
Coffee + condensed milk = pure energy goodness
God. Because He was obsessed with me first.
And this couple...

Laundry list of things memorable about the month:
Weddings, weddings, birthdays, graduations, graduations, graduations, baby showers and birthdays.
And of course, the Royal Wedding.
Bowling night.
Party, dressed up in school uniforms, gifts and blessings to two yummy mummies.
The most amazing Easter weekend ever. Like, wow.
Best camp experience ever. We will never be the same.
Sleeping only 11 hours across 3 days.
Taking a 14 hour nap and waking up in the evening.
Opening of ZARA's flagship store affecting sales at work.



Music stuck on repeat:
0330 - UKiss
Peaches - New Heights
Count on me - Bruno Mars
Love  - Jaeson Ma (ft. Bruno Mars)
Good life - One Republic
None but Jesus - Hillsong United

Books read(ing):
One Day - David Nicholls
Systematic Theology - Wayne Grudem

3 things I am thankful for this month:
The Cross.
Mac Book Pro.
Open Door family.

A little bit of my bucket list

dye my hair platinum blonde
spend Thanksgiving in the states
Songkran water festival in Thailand
have my name and picture in a magazine or newspaper
be featured in someone else's blog
live in New York City
eat pizza in Italy
kiss on the Eiffel tower
bungee jump with my boyfriend/fiancee/husband
go to a Yankee's game
become friends with numerous strangers I meet on the street, in the elevator, the check-out-chick etc
speak to young women about self-worth and identity
undergo DTS in Switzerland
speak fluent French
witness an eclipse, even better a solar eclipse
write a book
be 49kg
fly and cruise first-class
visit and sleep in a castle in England
drive down route 66
touch down in all seven continents
collect russian nesting dolls and teddy bears
have a ragdoll cat and a golden retreiver as pets
watch every movie that won the Academy Awards best picture
become an early riser
sponsor someone who makes a big breakthrough in art, religion, science, or fashion
renew wedding vows every 10 years
have a library in the house
mentor someone in the fashion industry
be acquainted with Anna Wintour
open a cafe, sell only fair-trade coffee
set slaves and prostitutes free, let's abolish human slavery!
have lots of miraculous testimonies up my sleeves
audition for Project Runway 
eat escargot (french snail dish)
start a fashion trend, or 'it' item
sponsor and financially support the seven missionaries in my family
eat cheese fondue in Sweden
count down at Times Square on New Year's eve
take acting or singing classes
style a fashion editorial for a renowned publication
sit in jury of an interesting murder case
perfect a macaron recipe
capture my 'unicorn'

This may be my bucket list, but ultimately it will not bother me if I do not kick half these buckets. What will bother and truly disturb me is, if I have lived a life that did not make a difference in this world, or speak truth into people's lives, bring joy and blessing, love and serve as many people as I could, nor lived out my calling according to God's purpose.

Summer Holiday

It is only April, (favourite month of the year, just because I like the sound of it. April, Avril.) and I am already making a list for my four months holiday at the end of the year in anticipation! Day-dreaming about it makes the chaos and stress of life that much bearable.

Have high-tea with girlfriends
Discover as many macaron flavours as possible
Learn french
Learn the drums
Sleep in 'til noon in my underwear
Watch and catch up with back to back episodes of gossip girl, bones, and mad men
Read a new book every week
Swim in my pool
Intern at a fashion house
Start journaling again
Get back on track with The Love of my life
Day dream, night dream
Coffee under the moonlight
Enjoy the hazy lazy days for they are limited
Appreciate some days of boredom
Take part in charity and street evangelical projects
Be involved with children's summer camp
Be inspired by what summer has to offer
And...
Be on the lookout for my "unicorn" (that unbelievable, fascinating, wonderful, breathtaking, amazing, special, someone)

Dear...

Dear Readers,
Thank you for taking time out of your lives to read this! Such awesome people.

Dear spell-check,

If you have no spelling suggestions for a particular word, please don't say it is misspelled. I have no time for your nonsense, when the presentation is in half an hour.

Dear "Distinction",
You made my day. The lack of sleep was totally worth it for you! Thanks for not playing hard-to-get like 'High distinction'. It just puts me off, you know? I love you so much.


Dear spiders, centipedes, and all other creepy-crawlies that come into my room,
If I see you outside, I will let you live. If I see you in my house, I will squish you. My advice? Stay out!


Dear beau garcon,
I can finally let go. I sincerely wish you well.


Dear New Heights,
I am kicking myself for not discovering your band earlier!


Dear God,
Thank you for opening my eyes to see truth.

40 Confessions

1. F3: Food, fashion, farts. Three things in this world that excites me.
2. I love fashion because it is so flexible in accomodating my dreams and fantasies.
3. Sometimes I wish I was a guy. This thought usualy crosses my mind when I walk into an amazing menswear shop, or see an incredible menswear collection.
4. Inside me lives a classy 42 year-old woman named, Laura-Ashley Dupont, a dandy 24 year-old male, and a spoiled, gleeful 5 year old of a girl. At different times you see them manisfest. Just ask to be introduced.
5. Also lives in me is Christ Jesus, who I hope will show through more and more, though the way I talk, think, see, and feel.
6. I'm a bit of a man repeller. I love the sartorial fineries of clothes, which happen to repel men. I'm looking for someone who will look past what I wear. So bring on the the tie-die turban, poo-catcher pants, granny cardigans, power shoulders, nerd glasses, and shoes with 1000 buckles! There is a lot of things in my wardrobe that women adore and men abhor, perfect to me, yet incomprehensible to the average male specimen. 
7. I seem to have no shame in publicly announcing my bowel movements (or lack thereofs), my monthly flows, my monster feeds, and its side effects (breathlessness, food coma, and underwear elastics digging into my skin).
8. Men in ill-fitting suits really bother me with a passion. But a perfectly fitted suit is a breath of fresh air, and there is absolutely nothing gay about it. Think James Bond, or Tom Ford.
9. I have an odd personal belief that take-away coffee, or thermal mug, makes a cool fashion statement, and holding one in your hand, strutting your way somewhere, is the finishing touch to a "I'm so hip/cool/popular/busy" look. Due to my clumsiness I have coffee stains in clothes that are expensive to dry-clean.
10. I'd like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it feels like to be a dinasaur. Rah.
11. One day, I want to sit next to a stranger on a park bench, on a peaceful, sunny afternoon and hear their life story-Forest Gump-style.
12. I'm not attracted to men who play saxaphones. I'm repelled. There, I said it! Woo me instead, with your guitar or piano.
13. Another way to my heart is through my stomach.
14. I have a soft spot for well-dressed, long, lean, limbs, if you know what I mean.
15. I'm a creepy bookworm that keeps a book in the kitchen, a book next to the bed, and another book in my the bathroom so I can read wherever I am in the house. Hence, I tend to simultaneously read them, and finish about three books in five days.
16. I have French vocab 'post-it' notes all over my house. Parce que, j'adore apprendre le francais. Et toi?
17. The 1940's is my favourite fashion era. I wish everyone still dressed that way. Polished, prim and pretty.
18. I treat my teddy-bears especially well because I can imagine them come alive and talking to each other when I'm asleep, and having their picnic when I'm away. I've placed tea cup and tea pots on my bookshelf for this very reason.
19. I will go to Switzerland just to devour their cheese and chocolate, and sit by the fire drinking hot chocolate in a cosy log cabin.
20. I love awkward moments and pinching peoples’ butts in big crowds, and burping in their ears.I sometimes like to think that I’m on some reality tv show and 'interview' myself. Apparently that's been coined the Truman Syndrome.
21. Sometimes when people tell me jokes or try to be really funny, I often do the pity laugh and hope they can’t tell it’s fake. This happens often.
22. When my room is messy, I find stuff easier than when it is neat and tidy.
23. When I am not smiling, I tend to look stern or lost. I have no control over that.
24. For some reason I really enjoy talking about poo. I like asking people about their poo, I like poop jokes. I've even written songs and peoms about them.
25. As much as I like poop jokes, I like fart jokes.
26. You'd have no idea, but at home, I dress like a homeless woman. Don't expect me to answer the door.
27. I think I'm allergic to drastic temperature changes. I develop red spots. I'm also allergic to alcohol. I think it's a blessing.
28. I like going into my brother's room to jump on his bed. (Oh, never my bed. God no, not my sanctuary.) I'd jump until the springs would poke through the mattress, then I'd run and hide. Then'll I'd forget all about it. Only until he has to get a new mattres. 
29. After I blow my nose I secretly look into the tissue. Sometimes flubber, sometimes egg whites. It's just interesting. Don't lie, you've done it too.
30. I consider myself to have a bit of a Peter Pan complex.
31. I bite.
32. I am addicted to writing and making lists, I can't not do it for two days, because I start to crave in.
33. I'd love to know what Demi did, when she flirted with Ashton Kutcher. Just curious.
34. Love, goodness, faithfulness, kindness, gentleness, self-control, patience, joy, and peace. I aim for these to be one day be IN YA FACE.
35. I sound real retarted in person. I don't speak the way I think/write/type. I think I'm just awkward and verbally expressing myself.
36. My wise older brother once taught me, "an open mouth gathers many feet."
37. My favourite weather is grey, cloudy, chilly days, with drizzles of rain. I love its sound and scent. And there's something about the way everything looks after the rain.
38. I believe in life eternal after death. The life that I have now is too short. I want to do what I enjoy. 
39. I'm an onion. Like Shrek, I have many layers. I don't look like a lot of things that I am, if you know what I mean.
40. =/ is an awesome emoticon. I use it liberally.