Jobs that'll be cool to have

1. Designer bed/mattress tester. Sleeping on the job and having a lie-in would be allowed.
2. Professional house-sitter. Apparently, there are a lot of rich people in this world and they’d like their home to be safe when they’re away and they often leave their home to the responsibility of a house sitter, who ensures that when the home owners are away, they can live in their home like it is their own
3. Screenplay or script reader. I'd be good at it. I could help actors like Robert De Niro and Brendan Fraser make better movie choices. Is there a job opening for that?
4. Dramatic actor in infomercials. I'm a terrible actor too, so it doesn't seem like much of a stretch that I could make my way to an advertisement for a product you never knew you needed.
5. Ice-cream taste tester Definitely a win-win situation here. I hear they give you a gold-plated spoon?
6. The person who edits trailers. Have you ever noticed how they always pick the best parts of the movie and there is always a kicking song playing in the background? And then you go see the actual movie and surprise surprise, you’ve already seen all the parts worth seeing. Anyways, I love movie trailers.
7. A buyer for a department store. You get to pick the clothes they sell. Complete power. 
8. Elf at Santa's workshop. I'll work at the teddy-bear department, stuff each one with hugs and good wishes.
9. Professional list-maker. Because I have OCL. Obsessive compulsive list-making.