Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Symptoms of an unhealthy relationship with your cat

There won't be much of a middle ground. People will totally get it, or think I'm craycray. I'm aware, I might be CRAZYABOUTCATSOHEMGEEWHYSOCUTECRAZYCATLADY.

You worry about your cats' feelings:
I truly believe all animals have feelings. There'll be days I look at my cat Lulu and can just tell she's not in a good mood. Like, just kind of, sad, really. Maybe because last night I shrieked at her for bringing in a dead mouse which she intended as a gift, and I refused to let her in. I bet her feelings are hurt about that. And there was that time I accidentally kicked her face and she was in so much shock. I felt like crap for hours! I mean, I don't know, maybe though, right? Which makes you think that...

You wonder if your cat is being bullied, and if so, what to do about it:
Bullying is a serious problem, people! I know I saw the neighbour's cat give my cat Lily the stink eye from his balcony. I know that cat is definitely communicating some hateful and jealous stuff about Lily. It all starts with the parents! It's time for me, as Lily's aunt, and them to sit down and have a talk, as far as I'm concerned.

Your cat throws up, and you panic:
Cats throw up furballs almost all the time. But when your cat throws up, and makes that awful noise, it's like oh no oh no oh no what is happening here? Please, don't die on me! And within minutes, she's hopping around like Bambi, and taking shots of wheat grass from the pot plants.

You're jealous when your cat sleeps with other people:
Because of all the cute things they do with you at night, like cuddle up under your armpits, then crawl up and sleep on your neck, you can't help but be a little (okay, majorly) jel.

You get separation anxiety:
Sure you can go to dinner with friends, go to parties, even holidays for a week. You're having a great time, but deep inside... you're like I MISS THEM SO MUCH I WISH THEY COULD TEXT ME =(

You 'gram your cats all the time:

You realise you've been talking about your cats for 10 minutes non-stop to a stranger:
I could go on and on and on...

Sunday, November 18, 2012

On being nocturnal

Uberfacts on twitter tweeted "People who stay up later at night are likely to be more intelligent than those who go to bed early." Thus, empowering(?) me to write this post about being nocturnal, and the persecutions that come with not being a jolly morning person.

In theory, I get it. I get the whole "daylight is the time we get our stuff done". But to the famous white man in a curly white wig who centuries ago came up with, "The early bird gets the worm", I have to say "Nay good sir, the early bird doesn't get to lay in bed, play with his iPhone, listen to music, check his email, and sip coffee. The phrase sucks!" This is why the lives of night owls like myself are open for public shaming. I can rise and shine. Just not at the same time. Aside from having "hating-life"-mornings to deal with when between the hours of 6 and 10 a.m., I’m just trying to get my bearings in a world that is at least 3 shades too bright and won’t stop making loud, unfriendly noises.

Then there always a Miss/Ms/Mr/Mrs. I-go-jogging-at-six-every-morning who will be like, "Geez, long night last night?" Um, well. All of my nights are long, morning people. Not because I was out clubbing, but my brain seems to be over-active at the hours between 11pm and 3am. It's the time I want to talk, to read, to blog about the meaning of life, to jump on the bed, to make tea, to catch up on Downton Abbey, to eat pistachio nuts, to keep track of  #GoslingWatch on twitter, to play with my cats (also nocturnal animals), and to cry over The Pianist soundtrack. (Not to mention the 25 other things that keep me up at night.) That doesn't mean that I'm trying intentionally to stay up past my bedtime, it means I'm a prisoner to my own internal clock.

Yes, I have accepted that society demands of me a relatively early start time. And yes, I have given myself over to the idea that I will be running on society's schedule, and not my own. All I ask is that morning people, be kind to night owls. We're not usually this grumpy. (We might just be a bit more intelligent than you.)

I should marry Bruce Wayne. He's definitely a night person.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Confessions: The Turning Twenty-four Edition

1. It's the job of every twenty-somethings to feel old.
2. I'd still rather eat anything saturated with sugar for breakfast.
3. I'd trade partying with a cup of tea and a book. (Just typing that sentence made me feel so old, I swear my fingers started to feel arthritic around the words "cup of tea".)
4. I still get pimples.
5. Sometimes my body aches. Like for no apparent reason.
6. I am still looking for friends.
7. I understand more jokes. Like when I watched The Lion King recently, I got all the jokes, and the deep stuff, that I never remembered seeing.
8. I still cry. Way more.
9. People appreciate the things that make me different.
10. I realise it's all about who you know not what you know.
11. I lick my fingers to turn the pages of a book. I used to think it was gross. Now it comes naturally.
12. It's now illegal for me to drive without contacts or glasses.
13. I wake up looking like my driver's license photo. Eww.
14. I'm still completely delighted by Starbucks Christmas cups every year.
15. I have daily moments of nostalgia. Almost anything can trigger it. And it kills me.
16. I'm sad I have not taken enough risks with my youth.
17. That taut young body I once took for granted in high school is disintegrating before my eyes.
18. I've learnt that the definition of bravery is having diarrhoea and chancing a fart
19. I complain about "kids these days blah.. tween these days blah blah" (By all account, I'm not that old, but that doesn't stop me from complaining about teenagers.)
20. I've perfected the Irish goodbye. It's a move you pull when you're at a gathering/party/bar/event/etc and because you're a tired (physically & psychologically) old soul, you slink away into the corner, then RUN out the door when nobody's looking. 

I am 23, going on 13

This has almost nothing to do with the Sound of Music. Let me just say that apparently I’m 30 going on 13. I don’t know what happened bu...