Please get on Facebook more often. It's hard to stalk someone who doesn't regularly update...
Dear leg hair and arm pit hair,
Please grow as slowly as my head hair. I'm pretty sure I waxed/shave less than a week ago.
Dear person comparing period cramps with diarrhoea cramps,
You're saying it can't be that bad? No uterus? No opinion!!!
Dear People magazine,
You obviously got it all wrong! 2011 was clearly the year of Ryan Gosling! Bradley Cooper is so 2010 and a bore.
Dear Ryan Gosling,
I can only assume you turned down People's "Sexiest man alive" title and let Bradley Cooper have the honour. That was so noble of you. I know you have better things to do. You have feminist wisdom to spout, an awesome dog to walk, epic movies to make, art fights to stop, tumblrs and blogs to inspire. Props to you Ryan!
Dear boy that I tutor,
Please don't come into my personal space, the invisible bubble that is psychologically mine.
Dear friends who’ve borrowed books from me and haven’t yet returned them,
Just a friendly reminder to return them when you’ve read them. I’m waiting on these: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of secrets, Empire of the Sun, Pride and Prejudice, Marley and me, Cat and mouse, The Shack, and Perfume: Story of a murderer. Merci!
Thank you for getting fur all over my clothes. Because people need to know I belong to you. Thank you for lying on my covers when I have to make the bed. Because I probs don’t need to anyway. Thank you for watching Ryan-a-thon with me. You’re right. He is quite something, isn’t he? I just wish you were able to open the door for me when I sneak in at 3am in the morning.