Thursday, January 5, 2012

Flowers are EVIL

On New Year's day, a so-called friend sent me a "Happy New Year!" video of flowers blooming. I nearly died! Obviously, he didn't know me well enough. 

I risk you doubting my sanity and being a retarded weirdo, but I confess, I have a fear of large or creepy flowers (anthophobia), fear of tropical and exotic plants (botanaphobia), a fear of live corals (coraphobia), a fear of clusters of holes (trypophobia), and a mild fear of authority figures (but that's a boring whole other story).

You know those strange creepy flowers from Alice in WonderlandThey just have mean, creepy faces. And I think they all sing together? And I remember there were also some nasty flowers who I want to say were doing something like pinching her. But maybe not. That seems nuts. Flowers can't pinch. But they sure are evil! In any event, any plant coming to life is sure as hell scary. Just imagine a field of grass coming to life. I mean, millions and billions of tiny green armless creeps... OMGOMGOMGOMG I am freaking out!  

Clusters of holes. I don't even want to talk about it. Oh dear, stars in heaven! I just tried to brave my terror to find a picture as an example. It was too much for my weak heart! This post won't have any pictures, sorry.

Flowers or plants with holes e.g. lotus seed pods are freakin' revolting! I once google-imaged it and it's still burned into my mind. Makes me want to barf. Or cut myself!

Flower or plants with spots. Gives me the chills. Freakin' creepy. They are evil! A source of unspeakable peril!!!!!!!!

Corals. Are just like flowers, but under water, and they move, and squirm! It's alive! And not just in my head! OMG. I shrieked in the cinema during Forgetting Sarah Marshall, when Russell Brand was screaming on the beach because he was bitten (okay, okay not bitten), but had a piece of coral pierced in his leg! Argghhh!

Carnivorous plants. This actually isn't too irrational, you could probably understand the fear. Oh Jumanji, a part of me died because of your large, exotic, carnivorous, flower with infinite arms (vines?). I will hate you forever.

I know my phobias are entertaining. But please don't throw lilies at my face. Bad karma for you, Em! Yes, you!


Anonymous said...

while many fears show us in a negative light, some odd phobias stand to make people rather interesting- or maybe even cute, in a sort of quirky, vulnerable way. In the end, your weird fears could be just the thing you stand apart from the crowd!

sameum said...


Anonymous said...

amen mister!

... or sister

Matt said...

I had a look at a lotus seed pod, i have to admit they look pretty disgusting.

Unknown said...

They are revolting creatures!

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