Monday, January 2, 2012

Pros and Cons of being a Cat lady

When my parents were away (I still live with my mommy and daddy), and Mr. Tom Flow came over, I was forced to stay home because my uterus was having spasms every hour. (I'm not too shy to tell people I have my period. One day it'll stop becoming gross, and just be normal.) Anyway, so I cooked my meals, and unfortunately gave myself diarrhoea, so then my bowels were having spasms every hour. While being alone and being a fully fledged certified crazy cat lady for a couple of weeks, this is what I learned.
Pros of being a cat lady
You freely walk around the house in just your t-shirt and knickers
You don't have to wash your hair everyday. Who's going to judge me? The TV? Ha!
You can stare at your cat and appreciate its beauty and cat-likeness, and thank God for creating them
You eat in bed and lying down on the couch
You eat all the chocolates that were Christmas gifts
Books and family movies and your cat are entertainment
Unshared company of cats and teddy bears. All to yourself, yay!
Closer relationship with your feline friends and teddy friends, and if you're lucky, they'll let you in on their secret conversations
You can eat as much cheese as you want
You can pee pee poo poo with the door open
(long-term) no heartbreak, no judgement, no disappointment
You can waltz around the apartment in high heels to your new Mad Men compilations

Cons of being a cat lady
You get people worried about you
You lose a sense of time
You eat continually and have no one to stop you (hang on, this is both pro and con!)
You start to pick at your face and create more or craters in your skin
Men think you're crazy or creepy or both
Cat's icky yucky stinky poo poo
Cat fur on everything you own
You get paranoid about whether you locked all your doors and windows at night
No one cleans after you nor even reminds you to clean (again, both pro and con)
Chances of you getting married is as slim as Kate Moss' waistline
Waiting for the new episode of your favourite show can be hard and you might explode
You have no one to go to the zoo/movies/teddy bear workshop/Harry Potter exhibition with
You develop pro antisocial skills
No one to zip up your dress (I went to a tea-party with the back of my dress unzipped until I could find somebody who would do it)
No one to clean up the dead rabbit/rat/lizard/snake/racoon/cockroach your cats brought in

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