Complicated post for complicated feelings

Oh my goodness, I have so many feelings. Too many and complex to even identify. And they keep coming in like waves. I sing. I sulk. I awe. I panic. I happy sigh. I sad sigh. I laugh (at your Facebook photos. And your friends' photos. And their wedding photos. Only because I'm high on energy drinks around 2 in the afternoon, and I don't realise what a meanie-poo-face I'm being). I've been really juvenile and selfish as of late.

This post probably won't even make any common sense to you. I just feel overwhelmed with dread and weariness about life deadlines, school deadlines, email replies, personal commitments, important decisions to be made, courageous conversations to be had, judgements to brush off, lecturers to prove wrong, kilo's to lose, clothes to model, presentations to present, macbook to fix, stereotypes to break, a doctor's appointment, plus eight million other things. It’s pretty amazing how incapacitated you can get. What are you supposed to do? But what ends up happening in times like these is ironically, nothing. Like, when you’re overwhelmed and your attention is taxed, you try and run in 17 directions at once, and as is to be expected, don’t move far in any of them. So you sit and throw a tantrum, and then get distracted by Ryan Gosling's flawlessness or a sudden urge to commute to the airpot and eat eggs benedict, buy a milk steamer, and get a new piercing, only to take it out after a couple of months because "it's gets in my way". And probably get a new complicated hairstyle for complicated feelings.

It's like one moment I'm having an anxiety attack, (do you remember in Sex and the City season 4, they had to rip apart Carrie's wedding dress because she was having a panic attack and she was hyperventilating and her body suddenly erupted in rashes? It was just like that. But in a public toilet and not a wedding dress) and the next moment my eyes light up about my favourite things, and seeing The Sound of Music and Captain Von Trapp in the holidays. I love that film more than raindrops on roses, (but not more than whiskers on kittens)! Often, I heart-breakingly grieve for my loss of innocence and child-like wonder (I don't know if this is normal or it's the Peter Pan complex), then I'm eerily at peace. Followed by eye-of-the-tiger-confidence, head-butting into what I must do in life. Hence, in my moment of feeling something between glee and anticipation, I've compiled a list of books/films I have to see/read to run away from reality to read during my 3 week winter break with Bearemy.

George's Marvellous medicine, Roald Dahl
James and the Giant peach, Roald Dahl
The Perks of being a wallflower, Stephan Chbosky
The Magicians, Lev Grossman
The Stepford wives, Ira Levin
The Turn of the Screw, Henry James
Secret Window, 2004
Big Fish, 2003
Lost in translation, 2003
Up in the air, 2009
Spirited away, 2001
Zodiac, 2007
Annie Hall, 1977
Big, 1988
The English Patient, 1996
The Phantom of the Opera, 19-I-don't-know-which-Broadway-version
The Sound of Music, 1965

Playlist for every occasion

Commute playlist - I love staring out the window of a car/bus/train and pretending I’m the lead in a movie and this is the opening scene as the title credits pop up in the corner (fade up to a wide shot of a train rolling over a landscape as we slowly zoom in to see a young woman looking out the window of the third car). And I can totally pull off staring blankly out of a window.

The Candles and Bath Salts mix - You're home, maybe getting in the mood. Get some smooth music - John Mayer, and maybe Jason Mraz too - and let the mood happen.

Rainy day compilations - A mix of dreamy acoustic and melancholy alternative tunes to accompany the sound of drizzling rain.

Les filles qui chantent en français - Sing along, ingest a box of macarons, and pretend you're in a Sofia Coppola commercial.

NYC mix

For my Future Husband mix

Road Trip playlist - This is radically different from stuff you would play when you drive alone. This is socially acceptable music that's great in the background, with the occasional group sing-along thrown in, pop, rock, ballads, anything from the 90's.

Being productive mix - For when you have deadlines to meet and need to stay focused.

Holiday Harmony - Stuff to listen to while you decorate the Christmas tree or bake gingerbread cookies.

"Chrismassy music that isn't about Christmas" mix - People who work in retail will appreciate it.

ULB (or "Universally loved bands") mix - One Republic, Coldplay, Radiohead, Muse, Maroon 5, The Smith, The Fray, The Killers, you know, bands who, at any party, you could remark "I love *insert band*" and you're guaranteed to hear responses like "We do too!", you know, bands who everybody likes or claims to like.

Sing Me To Sleep playlist - Songs to help you wind down and drift off. "Wonderful" by Gary Go will lull you to sleep.

Good morning, sunshine - Waking up to music is as awesome as falling asleep to it. I'm not much of a morning person, but when I've got some great music while I'm still on autopilot, it's made early mornings so much better.

"Beautiful" mix - Includes tracks like, "What makes you beautiful" by One Direction, "Beautiful" by B2st, the same title by Christina Aguilera, "Beautiful Soul" by Jesse McCartney, "What makes you different makes you beautiful" by Backstreet Boys, "Just the way you are" by Bruno Mars, "Nothin' on you" by B.o.b, "You are so beautiful" by Junsu, "Fireworks" by Katy Perry... you get the gist. Because admit it or not, you like to be told.

Adventure: The soundtrack - Music to accompany your adventures and travels in a foreign territory.

The Unrequited Loved mix

Winter Pick Me Up mix - Upbeat songs to beat the winter blues.
Study playlist - Fact 1: Without decent music there's no way you'd get through your homework, essays and revision. Fact 2: Songs with lyrics distract the part of your brain which you use to repeat things to yourself when you're learning. The Solution: Lyricless compositions, film soundtracks and piano covers.

All Nighter mix - Unlike the Study playlist which is a bit too relaxing (because it was to help creative juices to flow), this soundtrack should consist of mid-tempo music to help you power through the wee hours. I recommend a mix of late night ambiance and study break freak out material, with broadway music like "Defying Gravity" from Wicked.

The Jazz Age playlist

Cry, baby - Tear-jerkers. Sob, let it out. Hurt right along with the music.

Old School R&B mix

Modelling playlist - Throw on some heels and walk around like you mean it. Perfect for when cleaning out your wardrobe.

60's Lounge - Inspired by Mad Men and Pan Am soundtracks.

Girl Power - Butt-kicking, girl power anthems by Shania Twain, Destiny's Child, Pink, and Christina Aguilera. Maybe something from the Charlie's Angel soundtrack too. 

Nostalgia mix

Weekend Walk About mix - Music for you wanderings.

Work out playlist

Coffee Croons and Tea Tunes

New Age Pianists mix - Yiruma, Yuhki Kuramoto, David Lanz, Keiko Matsui, Jon Schmidt, Keith Jarret, and Ryuichi Sakamoto.

Kpop mix - Because the Korean wave is taking over the world. Get with it.

British Bands mix

First Love mix - The audio equivalent of a romance novel.

Getting Dressed mix - A list of high-energy songs to get you psyched for the night out.

Party mix

"I know all the words to" mix

"Be Impressed With My Music Taste" mix - I might be alone here, but I'm constantly around hipsters and music snobs who listen to my playlist, and immediately judge me on my music taste. ("Is that Kpop?!") Now, though, I'm ready for them with my "awesomely interesting intellectual music". Staples of these playlists are MGMT, Belle & Sebastian, Pink Floyd, Grizzly Bear, Regina Spektor (both popular and yet well-respected as indie still. Go figure.) Including also any big artists who did side solo projects like Thom Yorke of Radiohead.

Mixtape: Les filles qui chantent en français

Confession: a part of the reason I learned French in the first place is because singing along to these songs just looks so fun, like Carey Mulligan's character in An Education (beautiful film with a charming soundtrack). I like ingesting a box of pretty macarons, and pretend I'm in a Sofia Coppola commercial.

001 SUR LE QUAIS DU VIEUX PARIS :: Juliette Gréco

002 SOUS LE CIEL DE PARIS :: Juliette Gréco

003 L'ADDORDEONISTE :: Edith Piaf

004 LA VIE EN ROSE :: Edith Piaf

005 NON, JE NE REGRET RIENNE :: Edith Piaf
006 DANS MA RUE :: Zaz
007 LA PLUIE :: Zaz
008 LA FEE :: Zaz
009 ROUSE-ROUSE :: Christie Laume
010 C'EST LA MODE :: Annie Phillippe
011 SYMPATHIQUE :: Pink Martini
012 C'EST PETITE RIENS :: Colbie Caillat
013 MOI JE JOUE :: Bridgitte Bardot
014 EN DOUCE : Baquette Quartet
015 PÊCHES A LA CRÈME :: Dorine
016 COMME UN GARÇON :: Sylvie Varton
017 LAISSE TOMBER LES FILLES :: France Gall
018 LE TEMPS DE L'AMOUR :: Francois Hardy
019 ROLLER GIRL :: Anna Karina
020 LAISSE MOU :: Chantal Goya
021 LA MER OPALE :: Coralie Clément
022 ONDULÉ :: Matthieu Boogaert
023 EXPRESSION :: Helen Jane Long

Midnight in Paris

Today was a wonderfully rainy day, so naturally, I decided to snuggle up with Lulu the cat, download swing jazz music, and give Woody Allen another chance. And I'm glad I did. Midnight in Paris (2011) is a charming and sentimental film about a struggling novelist, Gil (Owen Wilson), a man who, like moi, also thinks rain makes everything beautiful, wanders the streets of Paris, and at every midnight, an antique car pulls up and transports him to the 1920's era. He encounters Cole Porter, Josephine Baker, Zelda and F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Gertrude Stein, Pablo Picasso, T.S Eliot and Salvador Dalí (sexy Adrien Brody). And with his new found love he is further transported back to the 1890's Moulin Rouge where they meet Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, Paul Gauguin, and Edgar Degas! Oh my goodness, I love Edgar Degas! With so many funny lines by famous (dead) artists, writers, surrealists, I give this movie a rating of all the stars Vincent Van Gogh ever painted!


After the movie, I got thinking, I'd like to visit one of those "nostalgia shop" the modern characters talk about. And I'd also like to have a 'Midnight in Paris' moment too. Paris in the Jazz Age really does sound enticing, as does Paris in the 1940's - that's probably the one I'd pick. But I'd also be intrigued by Vienna circa 1900, London in the 1590's, first century Rome and New York City in 1960's. 
So, what is historical era would you like to visit?

Mixtape: NYC

This time last year, I was in New York City. The subway was crippled by snowpocalypse, the walk/don't walk signs read both, the homeless nights... Cue up a song like "Empire State of Mind," and I remember. By the way, who knew there were this many songs about New York?! But this playlist is very personal.

001 LET IT SNOW :: Frank Sinatra
002 UNDISCOVERED :: James Morrison
003 ALL THIS BEAUTY :: The Weepies
004 GIRL INFORM ME :: The Shins
005 NE ME QUITTE PAS :: Regina Spektor

006 THE ONLY LIVING BOY IN NEW YORK :: Simon & Garfunkel

007 TWENTYSOMETHING :: Jamie Cullum
008 MAKE IT MINE : Jason Mraz
009 THE HEART OF LIFE :: John Mayer
010 SHOW YOU HOW :: The Killers
011 OFF BROADWAY :: Ryan Adams
012 BACK TO MANHATTAN :: Norah Jones
013 LADY LIBERTY :: Okkervil River
014 OVERTURE / HANNIBAL :: Phantom of the Opera (Soundtrack)
015 FOR GOOD :: Wicked (Glee Cast version)

016 NOLITA FAIRYTALE :: Vanessa Carlton

017 SHE MOVES IN HER OWN WAY :: The Kooks
018 NEW YORK, NEW YORK :: Cat Power
019 SOMEWHERE IN MY MEMORY :: John Williams (Home Alone 2 Soundtrack)

020 A DANCE ROUND THE MEMORY TREE :: Oren Lavie
021 THE DISTRICT SLEEPS ALONE  TONIGHT :: The Postal Service

022 WHEN I THINK ABOUT THE LORD :: Shane Barnard & Shane Everett
023 ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE :: Darlene Zschech
024 EMPIRE STATE OF MIND : Jay Z & Alicia Keys

Musical songs I adore.

I'm going to shout out from these internet rooftops: I love musicals and movies with singing and dancing! Last night, a bunch of us girls broke out into songs from Broadway musicals on the ride home. I voiced that I'd love to marry someone who'd do this with me - anytime things were going boring or bad, we'd bust into a song and dance and completely turn everything around. Then to my disappointment, my friends tell me 'he would be gay' (Is this true?) I must prove them wrong. If my man has trouble expressing his feelings (which is completely normal, I guess), no problemo! He can sing it! And when I have children, I'll discipline them with songs, and they'll sing me goodnight. So here is my list of musical numbers I adore. What are your favourites?


The Sound of Music, 1965

The lonely goat herd

Edelweiss

Do-re-mi

A few of my favourite things

So long, farewell

Phantom of the Opera, 1986 (Broadway)

Think of me
All I ask of you
Angel of Music
Music of the night
Lion King, 1994
The circle of life
Can you feel the love tonight
Wicked, 2003 (Broadway) 
For good
Defying gravity
No good deed
Dancing through life
Once, 2006
Falling slowly
Anastasia, 1997 
At the beginning
Journey to the past
Once a december
Cats, 1982 (Broadway)
Memory
Sweeney Todd: Demon Barbar of Fleet Street, 2007
A little priest
By the sea
Johanna
Miracle Pirelli's elixer
Enchanted, 2007
How does she know
So close
Hairspray, 1988 (Broadway)
You can't stop the beat
Welcome to the sixties
Without love


Mary Poppins, 1964
Spoonful of sugar
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Practically perfect


Peter Pan, 1953
You can fly
I won't grow up
Following the leader
Never smile at a crocodile


Billy Elliot, 2005 (Broadway)
Merry Christmas Maggie Thatcher


Grease, 1978
Summer nights


Avenue Q, 2003 (Broadway)
There's a fine fine line
Shodenfreude
Everyone's a little bit racist
The internet is for porn
Wizard of Oz, 1939
Over the rainbow
The Muppets, 1969
Rainbow connection
The Muppets, 2011
Life's a happy song
Cinderella, 1950
A dream is a wish your heart makes
Cinderelly, Cinderelly
So this is love
South Park: Uncut, 1999
Blame Canada
Tarzan, 1999
You'll be in my heart
Two worlds
Singin' in the rain, 1952
Singin' in the rain
Prince of Egypt, 1998
When you believe
Rock around the clock, 1956
(We're gonna) Rock around the clock
Beauty and the Beast, 1991
Belle
Beauty and the Beast (Tale as old as time)
Something there
Oklahoma!, 1943 (Broadway)
Oklahoma Ok
Emperor's New Groove, 2000
My funny friend and me
Sunset Boulevard, 1993 (Broadway) 
Sunset boulevard
Chicago, 1975 (Broadway)
Funny honey
All that jazz
Mr Cellophane
Hercules, 1997
Go the distance
The gospel truth
I won't say I'm in love
Pinocchio, 1940
When you wish upon a star
42nd Street, 1980 (Broadway)
Shuffle Off To Buffalo
Dance of the Vampires, 2002 (Broadway)
Total eclipse of the heart

Tea, a drink with jam and bread

I watched The Sound of Music dozens of times when I was younger. Who else wanted be Liesl and sing about turning seventeen in the rain? But for whatever reason, it's been years since I've listened to the soundtrack. And, do-re-mi had nearly been wiped from my memory.

Last night, however, I overheard it and I immediately got online to download it. (Thus, marked the beginning of my movie soundtrack download spree.) It's almost as good as The Circle of Life, and nearly twice as good as Emmy Rossum's Think of Me (Phantom of the Opera), and Glee's cover of  Wicked's For Good. Next time I fail a test, get broken up with, or feel desolate - please show me this song and all will be well again.

Style Muse: Grease

How can you not watch this movie and not want high-waisted full skirts? Other drool-worthy pieces include cat-eye glasses, cropped halter-neck top, the fabulous all-black off-shoulder outfit worn by Sandy, and did you see those red clogs she had on in the finale? I'm excited about the 50's redux in fashion trends I talked about in earlier posts. Sweet Sandy or Sexy Sandy, both looks will be huge this coming season.